its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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