Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
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I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
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Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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