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I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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