Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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