I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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