apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
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Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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