Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
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So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
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I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
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