you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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