What did we do last night that was yellow?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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