The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize