And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize