Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize