yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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