Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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