Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
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I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
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Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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