thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
My bed smells like the plague
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