you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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