Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
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On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
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Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
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