I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize