theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Randomize