Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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