Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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