He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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