Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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