Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
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As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
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Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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