I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize