I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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