so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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