Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize