Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
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There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
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I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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