apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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