I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
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Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
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How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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