Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
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Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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