just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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