I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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