I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
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She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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