apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
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I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
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I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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