so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
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Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
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You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
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