You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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