Who wears a wallet chain?!
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize