Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize