Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
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