Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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