is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
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I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
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meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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