so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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