He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
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I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
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She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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