Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
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She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
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Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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