Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
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There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
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I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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