In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize