Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
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he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
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He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
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